Protecting my Devotion
by Soreyle
Summary: Steinatrix goodness, disc 3 events, 1st-person POV. What else can I say? Read it!! It's finally done! REEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAD....
1. Reminiscence

Well here it is- my first official story that I'll actually admit to writing! Writing in the weird tense I picked was kinda hard, but I think it turned out ok. A couple notes-

A) You really do need to have played the game to get this; I wanted to be able to work properly with the style I picked, so not everything's explained fully…it just wouldn't read right if I went into full detail.

B) I guess there's only one note-ahh well. But I must say that I DO own Final Fantasy IX—and I have the receipt to prove it! Mwa ha ha ha ha….I'm a geek~*

Well that's enough mindless banter, so without further ado…

Protecting my Devotion

By Elena Scherwiz  * fanfare *

"Is that everyone?"

Hmmm…not quite. "We are still missing the princess."

"…She's probably upstairs, by the telescope…"

And they continue on.

I know that it's in my best interests that I pay attention to this meeting, but I just cannot seem to concentrate right now. The incidents of last night are no excuse; I should be staying alert so I can best aid Princess Garnet and our comrades! I realize I am being completely irresponsible, but my thoughts keep drifting back to…

*                    *                  *

With the advent of a new queen, security around the castle had to be stepped up! So, I took the matter upon myself to perform an extra nightly check around the perimeter to ensure nothing was amiss.

I was almost finished my rounds when something had caught my eye. I had reached the waterway that connects Alexandria castle to the rest of city, and, by the water on the stone dock, lay a piece of paper. My curiosity piqued, I went over to pick the letter up, which I realized upon closer inspection was actually a letter of some sort!

            'When the night sky wears the moon as its pendant,

            I shall await you at the dock.'

Even through all the conflicts and hardships I've faced over the years as Captain, never was I so caught off-guard as I was that moment. I t was a love letter! Someone had left a love letter! There was no name on it, no address or addressee. I had no idea as to what to do! Then a thought occurred to me:

Did someone drop it here, knowing that I would pass by?

At that moment, I heard footsteps approaching from behind me. Anxious, nervous, somewhat excited even, I turned around to see who was there.

And I froze.

I stopped, I couldn't bring myself to talk; I'm surprised that I was still able to breathe. It just was not possible… 

There, standing bathed in the moonlight, was General Beatrix, her gaze fixed on me. There stood the woman that had for so long been my rival, had so long been my 

competition for the Queen's praise, who insisted on showing me up every opportunity she could… but within a second it was all but forgotten. 

"Steiner…" Beatrix whispered my name. I had mover seen her like I did at that time-nervous, tired, just completely unlike that general I had known until then- but there was something else. Her face glowed, but it also shone with what I could only guess was hope. Perhaps.

Shaking away my own nervousness with all my will, I finally spoke up. "Beatrix… was it you?" As I took a step toward her I thought I saw confusion flash across her face, but in the moment, I paid no heed to it and dismissed it as nothing.

I did not know what to expect. Never did I think that I would actually be in this situation! But there I was, and more importantly, there she was. Mere inches separated us at that point.

Here gaze was unfaltering, and she whispered my name again. She had smiled a bit, something she rarely does, and I whispered her name back. She inched toward me, and I to her until I could feel her breath on my face. My senses were focussed squarely on Beatrix, and I couldn't register anything until…

"AAA-CHOO!!!"

            *            *            *

Needless to say, the next day was quite awkward. Beatrix, I assumed, was embarrassed by the intrusion of those Tantalus imbeciles, and as a result I had not seen her since she fled from the dock the previous night. And, thanks to Miss Eiko, word had spread of our midnight meeting and my knights would not let me hear the end of it.

I was tired.

I was drained, both physically and mentally.

  
Laying in my quarters to escape the comments and intrusive questions, my scars and bruises from recent battles fought for precedence over the aches that had quickly risen in my mind. Thoughts that lay dormant, but that I quickly realized were always there, rushed forward all at once.

Were I the irrational type, I would have prodded my brain, through my ears, with a giant stick to attempt to dam the flow.

The idea that General Beatrix… cared about me was almost too unbelievable to register, was too much for me to ask for. I could not shake this train of thought; any wishes that I had were now fighting with the many doubts that persisted.

I knew I had to snap out of the trance that I had fallen into. I had more important things to worry about at that time, specifically, the princess's safety in the upcoming days! I couldn't let any personal problems that I may have had interfere with my duties; if anything happened to the princess, what would become of Alexandria?

That's why, when I had seen the first fireball rain down from the heavens, I bolted from my prostrate position, my course of action already developing in my mind. Any previous thoughts were all but forgotten. I grabbed my sword and headed to find the princess.

            *            *            *

Thinking back, Princess Garnet had held herself surprisingly well as she issued my knights their orders. Even in an emergency, she had managed to maintain her composure and act independently-I am so proud of her! Even Beatrix, who stood beside me while we waited for our turn to rush out and defend the city, seemed impressed. With the orders issued we did just that, storming out through the castle entrance, leaving the princess with nothing but our respective salutes.

I remember seeing nothing but chaos. Fires were raging throughout the whole of Alexandria. People were in a panic, crying and screaming, trying to escape with their lives. Monsters were everywhere, patrolling the streets, attacking everything they had seen moving. It was a terrifying scene.

I also remember, upon reaching the town center, looking over at Beatrix and seeing the steel determination drawn on her face. "This is it, Beatrix!" I had said, wanting to somehow acknowledge her, but not knowing quite how.

She glanced over at me, gave me a quick smile, and switched her focus back onto a monster that was swiftly approaching us.

"I will give my all for Alexandria!" she proclaimed.

With that, we charged toward the vile creature. I remember bringing my sword down into its back, while Beatrix, seemingly effortlessly, slashed away until the monster ceased to move.

We had no time to revel in our victory before we were assaulted by yet another monster.  This pattern continued, and I found myself to be tiring quickly. I turned to check on Beatrix and noticed that even she seemed to be faltering somewhat.

"Beatrix, are you alright?" I asked her when we had a small, rare opportunity to catch our breath.

"I'm fine," she replied, standing up straight to face me. I saw her jaw drop. "What about you? You're wounded!" she exclaimed, seeing a wound I had sustained only a few minutes earlier to my right forearm.

I shrugged it off. "It's just a scratch," I replied. I did not want her to worry about me; she didn't need another burden at the moment. More Mist-monsters approached us.

"Persistent bastards!"

After a couple more rounds of this, I found it to be increasingly harder to hold on to my sword. Blood was running down my forearm into my glove, and I could feel my grip on the hilt weakening.

"This is futile!" I heard Beatrix say, trying to hold off another demon creature. "Let us return to the castle!"

There was something in the tone of her voice that had scared me. Here was the person whom I've always considered (secretly, mind you) to be braver and stronger than I-my superior in every way. I had always quietly looked up to her, using her as something to measure my own growth against. Yet here she was, I could hear the tiredness and dismay in her voice, conceding defeat.

But as much as it scared me, it had empowered me as well.

I stood up straight and faced Beatrix. "No! I cannot face the princess until we destroy all these beasts. On my honor, I vow to protect the princess, the citizens of Alexandria, and…"

I paused for a moment, taking in the expression she wore on her face. It was hope, hope just like the previous night under the moon, except this time I had no doubts. It seemed to radiate through her, and it gave me strength.

"Beatrix! I…I shall protect you!"

We could not hold off the monsters any longer. With renewed vigor, we fought them off, but more and more kept coming.

"…This might be it for us!" I said. We were surrounded at that point.

Beatrix held her head high. "I have no regrets!"

With that, any doubts I had had vanished. Her true character was shining through. This was the Beatrix that, over the years, I had come to know and…

But even so, I had to tell her just in case…

"Beatrix! There is something I must tell you!"

"What is it?"

"I…"

A Mist-monster lunged at us, and we assumed battle stances.

"Save your valediction, Steiner. We'll live to see another day."

Everything went white. Never had I felt so strong.

*          *            *

And there you have it-did I get into his head or what? I'm sorry I don't have the (very little) rest of it done, but I don't have the hard copy with me right now and I'm afraid that if I don't upload what I have now, it'll never get done. But if anyone cares, the rest will be along shortly ***** applause *. Thanks for reading to the end!


	2. Determination

Yay, here's the rest of this classic literature…enjoy!

*          *            *

Eventually, in the chaos and madness that had engulfed Alexandria, Beatrix and I had gotten separated. The last time I saw her, she had stopped to aid a man who was cornered by yet another one of Kuja's Mist-created minions. I had started over to help her, but got attacked myself by what seemed to be the millionth monster I had seen that night.

After I had laid my adversary to waste, I immediately began to track down Beatrix, but I couldn't find her anywhere. What if, in the minute I took my eyes off her, she had been hurt? Frantically, ignoring my fatigue and the throbbing in my arm, I searched high and low for her, calling her name until my voice was hoarse.

I cursed, blaming myself for whatever fate may have befallen her. Even though I knew she could take care of herself, I couldn't help but worry. 'You promised her that you would protect her!' I had kept telling myself, 'and you end up losing her!'

The condition of the city worsened as the minutes passed by. Fires rages out of control, buildings had started to crumble and fall. Slain monsters littered the streets, along with the bodies of those who were unable to escape. It was a truly hellish scene. I wanted to give up-on myself, on salvaging Alexandria, and on finding Beatrix. For the first time I had felt completely overwhelmed, and…

"Hey Rusty!" I had heard from behind me. "Hurry the hell up, or you're gonna be left behind!" It was Zidane, among others, and they were charging toward Alexandria Harbour. I ran to catch up to them, leaving everything behind, and with Zidane, the princess, Master Vivi, and the others we made it to where we are now: Lindblum Castle, assessing the current situation and planning our next move.

For the moment, we were safe.

Safe, and most importantly, we were alive.

But Alexandria lay in ruins, and Beatrix may not have been so lucky.

*          *            *

"…must have been quite something. Her Highness is probably beyond despair," I hear Minister Artania say; he must still be talking about the previous night's events. He pauses, looking at everyone in the room in turn. Finally, his gaze lands on me, and, feeling obliged to say something, I recount what I had witnessed myself:

"I have never witnessed such tragedy," I say. "There was nothing we could do. We fought with everything we had, but to no avail."

I pause for a second. "Beatrix and I were prepared to give our lives," I add. Remembering Beatrix, I am overwhelmed with… I'm not sure… I can't quite think right now. Everyone is watching me.

"…I-I don't know what happened to her."

I have to keep telling myself that I did the right thing in leaving Alexandria. My sworn duty is to protect the princess, and I could not have fulfilled that if I had stayed behind, no matter the reason. Being realistic, I see that there was nothing more I could've done to protect the city, save the few citizens I managed to rescue.

There is no question: I feel I am to blame for whatever may have, or will yet, happen to Beatrix. I told her that I would protect her, and in my eyes I had failed. I'm overcome with grief, grief and guilt, knowing that I am safe in Lindblum and she's in Alexandria, hurt, or even worse… I can't think that. I will not allow myself to think that.

I must remain optimistic.

I say this not to ease my conscience, but because I know for it to be true: Beatrix is a survivor. She is strong of will, and though I could never admit it to her, much stronger than I could ever be.

That's why I know she is alright now.

But maybe I'm just being selfish.

Maybe I tell myself these things to keep myself going.

Because she is enough reason for me to keep fighting, to stay alive.

So I shall fight, hoping, that after this mess is behind us, and the conti-no, the world is at peace, that I will see her again.

And, praying that when we return to Alexandria, she will be there so I can finally tell her…

*          *            *

And there you have it! Thank you sooooo much for reading this to the end; it means a lot!! And I have another project on the go at the moment so hopefully that will be done soon. Please remember to review!

Elena Scherwiz


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